While giving up is never an option, the temptation is always there; lingering. From the sight of the smallest problem, right up to big, all-consuming crises (aka when life takes over), fear and self-doubt are always there and ready to pounce!
“You can’t do it anymore,” they shout.
“You can try but you will fail in the end,” they snigger.
“Go ahead, write…BUT it will be bad writing, coz you’re a bad writer.”
I am sure there is many more delightful messages you yourself have received over the days, weeks, months, and years since you decided to try and be a writer and start finishing projects rather than just scribble on napkins. I have had daily memos of this kind ever since I first thought about trying to write a novel.
There are many famous writers out there trying to encourage us. “Write very day,” they say. That’s good advice but is it feasible? For me, it’s certainly not an option. I do aim to write every day and write most days as a result.
But for those of us who also ride the 9-5 job train, there will always be the day when you’re kids get sick, or when a deadline is looming, or when you finish the day exhausted and need to fall asleep on the sofa right after dinner…or the day you get sick.
I went through a very scary experience last year. A sudden dizziness overcame me towards the end of a typical work day. I was struggling to focus my eyes. I was feeling nauseated. My left arm went numb, then my left leg, then the left side of my face…until the entire left side of my body felt heavy and devoid of any feeling.
I was home alone that day. I was scared. I called the emergency services and was rushed to hospital not knowing if I was coming back. Two thoughts went through my mind: 1. Will I see my husband again? 2. What if I never get to write my novel?
This is where I have to point out: we don’t have kids. If we did, I am sure they would have featured in my thoughts.
After 20 hours of tests including a blood test, a urine test, a chest x-ray, a head CT, and an MRI (among others), I was sent home with the following diagnosis: my physical health is excellent, there is no infection and no other physical cause for my symptoms…BUT…the symptoms are real, they will recur, and they will recur every time I am severely stressed.
So, I am playing a game and I will be playing it for the rest of my life. The name of the game? Manage your stress. Meditate every day. Sit in silence for 10 minutes every day. Exercise 15-20 minutes every day. Eat healthy every day. Do breathing exercises every day. E-V-E-R-Y D-A-Y. Forever!
The last few weeks were stressful. I completed a big work project and I didn’t take good enough care of my stress. Now, you know where I was and I why I couldn’t write. On a scale of 0-10, how bothered do you think I am that I have missed blog posts, missed Wattpad updates, and made no progress on my novel?
You’re right, the answer is 0. Because my certainty that I can recover from momentary episodes of my stress-induced symptoms is 10. I have done it before, I can do it again. I have written before, I can do it again. It’s my mantra. It’s what I say to myself when the self talk gets nasty. It’s what I chant in my meditation.
I did this once, I can do it again…so can you.
If this posts helps even one person, I would be chuffed to hear about it in the comments below. If you have your own experience with coming back to write after an illness, or if you are managing any chronic illness whilst being a writer, please share your methods for keeping your writing practice and your writer’s mindset in check.